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Friday 19th March. March Winds and Bent Daffodils

19/03/2004

This wind is making me dizzy, everything rolling about and clattering! I have just had a CT scan at the hospital. It was very painless, and we had no trouble with needles this time. The only bit I don’t like is when you can see the experts studying one’s insides through the glass partition, and it always seems to me that they are shaking their heads!

Still, I feel that the tamoxifen, the acupuncture, the milkthistle, and your good thoughts are working. I feel somehow stronger and better, and the sense of fear and dread I had a few weeks ago has really evaporated. I went to London this week, travelling First Class as I wanted to try and make the journey really relaxing and easy. I have never bought a first class ticket before and it felt sort of wicked and delicious. However, there was a bomb scare at Stevenage, and we all had to pile off the train and stand shivering on the platform. They were going to put us buses, but suddenly changed their minds and put us back on the train. Because of the chaos, everyone sat they wanted, so First Class was completely packed and not at all luxurious. This should have made me really grumpy, but there was something so jolly about it all, with all the British people being nice and enduring in the face of difficulty, that I ended up rather enjoying myself. On the way back the train was terribly delayed again, and I found myself talking to businessmen about their lives. By the time I got home I was oddly rejuvenated! I am going to put the piece about The Great British Public that was on the radio onto the site, as several people have asked for a copy.

[I’ve added it – just follow the link above – Roger (Julia’s webmaster)]

Lately I have been very focussed on what I want I am going to do with my time. Sadly, I am giving up a number of things that I found fascinating, but exhausting. One of these is the play I was writing based on the Thousand Family Study, as it felt like so much work, and I feel it’s better to hand it on to other writers. I am left with the novel, poetry and some short fiction…in other words, the world of my imagination. Happily, because of the Northern Rock Money, I am able to survive without doing anything else. Suddenly time is not hemmed in and prescribed, and this is very liberating. I feel like writing in the middle of the night. Or sleeping all morning, then working all afternoon. But I am sorry about the people I won’t be working with, as I love the social side of theatre.

I have just bought some provisions for the week away…blueberries, raspberries, chocolate and custard!

Also porridge and bath stuff!

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