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Wednesday 26th Nov 2003


I’ve been spa-ing…..me and my partner went to a luxury serenity qi enhancing ,pampering experience. It was a bit like being in hospital without being ill, and the food was alot nicer. We wandered about in white dressing gowns, and lay on heated couches having oils and creams rubbed in. I am always afraid that I will have head lice or some other embarrassing condition in such moments. Anyway, we ended up completely floaty and vague….I couldn’t remember who I was. I particularly loved lying in the outside jacussi with Autumn leaves falling from the trees.

We have also been to London….we saw the huge yellow sun in the Tate Modern…it’s a bit like being at the end of an epic film…all smoggy and Londonish..everyone in raincoats lying on the floor looking longingly at the golden globe…some of them rather elderly to be lying on concrete, I thought. Very beautiful, though.

We went to see an exhibition about living and dying at the British Museum. Our Brazilian friend Marcia pointed out that though the exhibition discussed many cultures, and how they dealt with illness and death, it didn’t even mention BRAZIL, which is the queen country for rituals, healers, spells and magic. How strange. I didn’t find out much from the exhibition. It seemed to be rather general, with big museum writing aimed at school children, but it made me think about my funeral again. I can never decide what I want for my funeral…the songs change daily….I wanted everyone to dance to GLORIA by Patti Smith last time I thought about it. I imagine a kind of party death, roomfuls of friends drinking champagne, but of course that’s unlikely when one feels poorly. I would just like an unpredictable death…but not one of those falsely positive ones. Singing would be good, as long as it wasn’t too churchy or girly. I suppose in the end death chooses, not us.

I love what Spike Milligan wanted (but didn’t get) on his gravestone…I told you I was feeling ill…..Actually, after the spa experience I feel very well, if a little sleepy. It’s been over two years since my last encounter with illness and I am beginning to forget about it again. I am certainly spending alot more time with my body than I used to….we know each other quite well now. I am always having it pampered and attended to. I still think acupuncture is the best treatment for just about everything.

I am trying to finish a story for the Big Issue…I wanted to write something jolly, but it’s turned out rather sad. Then I will go back to the Brazilian novel. Oh, and I am going to Brighton on Dec 7th to run a workshop about poetry and recovery, so if you live around Brighton and would like to come, just drop me a line.

Marcia’s husband Mustaver reads this weblog…HALLO! I never think that anyone reads it. Love J